apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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