When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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