that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
