This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
