Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
