In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
