i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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