He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
