Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
