so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize