you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
