I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
