I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
