Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
