Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
