The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
