dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
