yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
