Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
