Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
