You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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