i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
