I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
