Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
