I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
