Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize