Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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