Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
