It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
