But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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