What did we do last night that was yellow?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
