my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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