i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
