Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
