we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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