Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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