so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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