I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize