M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
