9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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