Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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