I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
