Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
