I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm passing your future prison.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
