my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
