yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
