Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
