Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
