Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
