i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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