Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize