I just pynch a tree in the face
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
