Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
