i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
