I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
