just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
