I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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