i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
