He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
