oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize