I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
