Please, let me fuck your mom
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
