dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
