Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize