apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
