like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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