he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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