i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
