dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
