nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
