Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
