How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
