I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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