I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
