So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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