I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
