I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
