I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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