Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
