love makes seman taste better
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
