i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize