I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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